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Still this obsession, need to purge ourselves with aggression
As if we could ever really be re-born.
Stripping off the parts where there's deterioration,
We're left with frustration,
The momentary realization
We're stuck with the choices we've made.
When I say "we" I really speak for me
Because I'm convinced that I am not alone.
Have you found yourself walking
In the pouring rain, wondering
If the water was falling from your eyes
Or the sky?
The whole world trying to uproot it's mistakes
Then re-absorbing them, forming lakes.
Do insults and comparisons,
Memories of images of now and then
Ever crowd your brain so much you can't reason?
In this city, we question motivations,
This obsession with cleansing, detoxing,
And sweating.
A bulimic's paradise, this city will convince you
This behavior is normal.
But I wonder if we're all crazy.
How can you act so blind
When all I want is to quiet these voices in my mind?
Sometimes I close my eyes to disappear
But I'm still here,
And I can feel the body that I'm stuck in.
Blame my father that I got it,
Blame my mother that I hate it,
And when will this be healed?
Is it about thinness or lightness or control?
We convince ourselves it's about cleanliness
In San Francisco, where everything is
Recyclable, biodegradable, organic
Creating an illusion we can rid our race of toxins.
Or at least ourselves,
To be better than everybody else.
Maybe the cure is to accept our own nature,
Stretch out in the gutter we live in.
Day after day, why flush ourselves away?
Aren't we just a product
Of our own imaginations?
And where is the toxicity really?
It's in our brains.
Summer 2009, San Francisco
